Grief is deeply personal, and no two people experience it in the same way. Returning to work after a bereavement or the end of a significant relationship is never easy, and “getting back to normal” cannot be rushed. Work may provide stability, but the process will often feel challenging.
Grief is deeply personal, and no two people experience it in the same way. Returning to work after a bereavement or the end of a significant relationship is never easy, and “getting back to normal” cannot be rushed. Work may provide stability, but the process will often feel challenging.
When you come back, you may feel anxious, distracted, or guilty for resuming your routine. Some colleagues may avoid you, worried about saying the wrong thing. Others may carry on as if nothing has happened. This is rarely unkind—often people simply don’t know how to respond.
How Grief Can Affect Work
Grief affects performance and wellbeing in many ways, including:
- Problems concentrating, leading to mistakes.
- Difficulty controlling emotions.
- Overconfidence, masking pain but leading to poor judgement.
- Reduced motivation.
- Absenteeism.
These effects can appear inconsistently, leaving you productive one day and exhausted the next.
A Case Study: Mary’s Return
Mary, a project manager, took a week off after her father died. On her return, she felt awkward. Most colleagues avoided her, unsure of what to say, while a few acted as if nothing had changed. She felt isolated.
What helped most was when one colleague asked how she wanted the team to handle things. Mary said she appreciated a simple “We’re thinking of you,” but didn’t want to discuss personal matters during meetings. This gave her control and helped colleagues feel more confident in supporting her.
Managing Grief at Work
Communicate With Your Manager
Let your manager know what has happened and what support you need—time off, flexible hours, or a lighter workload. Clarify urgent tasks and when you can be contacted.
Seek Support From Colleagues
Decide how much you want to share. A simple “I’m finding things difficult right now” signals you need understanding. If privacy is important, ask a trusted colleague to act as a go-between. Remember, colleagues are not counsellors—use HR or professional support if needed.
Understand Organisational Policy
Most organisations offer compassionate leave for close relatives, but policies differ. Check with HR about what applies to you, and ask about flexible working if leave is limited. Taking time off early is often better than delaying grief.
Stay Organised
Grief disrupts focus. Use To-Do lists for meetings and deadlines, and write down stray thoughts to clear your mind. Small tasks—tidying a desk or watering plants—can restore calm.
Find a Quiet Space
Strong emotions may arise suddenly. Identify a private place, such as an empty office or your car, where you can step away and regroup.
Build Resilience
Look after your wellbeing: eat well, exercise, and keep routines. Resilience won’t remove grief but can help you carry it more steadily.
Balancing Challenge With Stability
Returning to work while grieving is difficult, but work can also provide reassurance and continuity. By taking practical steps, you can reduce the impact on both yourself and your team.
Six actions can ease the transition:
- Communicate with your manager.
- Seek support from colleagues.
- Understand HR policies.
- Stay organised.
- Use private spaces.
- Build resilience.
Grief cannot be scheduled, but with the right strategies and support, work can remain a steady anchor in a turbulent time.
